


Hang on Little Tomato

by wafflesex



Category: Free!
Genre: Alpha!Rin, Alpha!Sousuke, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, Rin and Sousuke try to make a little family basically, Stillborn baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-05-24 07:53:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6146809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesex/pseuds/wafflesex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After delivering a stillborn daughter, Rin struggles terribly with his loss. However, no one is quick to give up on him just yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tea

**Author's Note:**

> Been meaning to write something like this for the longest time and only just found the urge to do so now. I hope I can do this trope (these tropes?) justice! I happened to be listening to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jz706sJMjg) while I started writing this, hence the title. Un-beta'd, so pardon me if you spot any errors! Enjoy!

The room smells of fresh paint and clean linens just as it has for the past few weeks, but each time he sets foot inside and shuts the door behind him, part of him still expects it to be new and less artificial; like people have been living within these walls and freely coming in and out throughout the day. He knows the thoughts don't make sense and what's more, he knows it isn't like him at all to expect or seek what he can't have... but Rin is nothing if not a dreamer and as he steps into the room tonight, quiet and unforeboding, he carries within his heart the hopeless expectation that when he peers down in the crib, this time, _this time_ tiny hands and toes will be resting peacefully inside. ... But it's never like that and he's come to know it well, with shaking hands reaching for the safety bars and eyes so weary they've lost their shine. 

"Rin," a familiar voice whispers through the darkness to which the redhead shuts his eyes and purses his lips. He thought he was being quiet enough this time, but he really should know better than to let anything slip by his partner, especially after they've been bonded as long as they have. He doesn't say anything and only stays just as he is, standing beside the empty crib that's been carefully decorated and tended to, laid out with a powder pink cotton sheet and bumpers on the edges to make sure delicate hands won't bruise. Maybe when he opens his eyes this time it'll be there. Maybe if he reaches down he'll feel a pulse or a chest gently rising and falling like he's dreamed about for months. 

"... Rin." The voice comes again, this time properly pulling Rin from his stupor and as footsteps drag across the floor towards him he quickly brings a hand up to rub at his eyes with the back of his palm. 

"Sorry," he starts with a quiet, sheepish laugh, "did I wake you up?" 

Sousuke lets out a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat and he's well within range to touch him now if he were so inclined. "No, no," he says before he pauses to carefully slip an arm around to wrap about Rin's waist, large hand and long fingers finding purchase on the other boy's hip. Rin's grateful for the touch, light as it is, because with it comes assurance and comfort, warmth and familiarity which only Sousuke can provide. In these trying times, Sousuke's touch poses a necessity, and Rin easily melts into it with a sigh and a slight slump of his shoulders. 

They don't speak for a while, only stare quietly and together at the little crib at the light blue walls surrounding them, before finally Sousuke breaks the silence by craning his neck with a rustle of fabric and placing a light kiss to the side of Rin's temple. His mate smells like fresh cherry blossom shampoo, though underlying it there's another, warmer scent which he can only describe as _Rin_. It keeps him going strong in kind and helps him stay focused and measured throughout the day. "Do you want me to make you something?" he asks out of habit mostly, because he has a feeling Rin won't be able to fall asleep easily tonight just like all the other nights. "We have that new tea I picked up yesterday if you want it." 

Once again Rin doesn't say anything, but he does offer a small nod, and that's enough for Sousuke to gently begin guiding him back towards the door and out into the dimly lit hallway. He shuts the door behind him, but not before offering the crib one last longing glance himself and it stands still and empty in the pale light of the full moon.

* * *

Rin's tired yet still very much wide awake when Sousuke places the mug of hot tea in front of him on the counter and after sparing it a glance he nods in thanks and pulls his cardigan a bit tighter around himself. It's spring now, but the winter chill still lingers even inside their tiny Tokyo apartment. He's at least thankful for the small space heater they invested in though, which they make sure to keep on at all times during the night in the bedroom down the hall. 

"Don't you have work tomorrow?" Rin asks after a few beats to which Sousuke looks up from stirring his own cup of tea on the opposite end of the counter. Rin notes how his hair stands up in the back and how the dark circles under his eyes seem more prominent since he last saw them this afternoon, and while the image in and of itself is charming, more than anything it eats at his heartstrings with a side of guilt. 

"I can take a day off tomorrow." Sousuke says it calmly, nonchalantly, but Rin knows they can't afford for him to miss more work then he already has, no matter if the company understands. So he furrows his brows and frowns. 

"You shouldn't," Rin replies as he grabs his mug by the handle and slides it closer to him. He has his feet crossed on a chair he's pulled over from the living room, a position he's grown accustomed to for the past few sleepless nights. "It won't look good." 

Sousuke shrugs before setting his spoon in the sink and walking over to lean against the counter on his arm, other elbow propped up to hold his mug of tea up to his lips. He likes his with one packet of sugar, Rin recalls, though it hardly does anything to quell the bitterness, let alone affect the taste at all. "They've allowed me a month of time off, you know. I've only taken a week of that since–" Sousuke stops himself there then takes another small sip even if it burns the roof of his mouth. Anyway, Rin understands what he's getting at, so there's no need to continue with that train of thought. There must be a less than happy look on his face though, because shortly afterwards, Sousuke's reaching across the counter to place his hand atop Rin's wrist. Just as always, soft and sweet as it is, Sousuke's touch falls over him like a calm wave and he eventually gives in, reaching out and spreading his fingers to accommodate his partner's in between. 

They've been through many things in their lifetime, that much Rin knows for certain, and through each trial and tribulation they've always managed to come out of it with their heads held high and spirits lifted. That's just how they've always been since they were children. But now as adults, independent and mature, fending for themselves and bonded as they are– Sometimes Rin wonders if this might be the one time in their lives they won't be able to push through. It's negative and it's sad and it's not at all how Rin thinks on a normaly everyday basis, but... he's been through so much in so little time this year and it's difficult, even for someone like him, to look up afterwards. 

Unconsciously he squeezes Sousuke's fingers to which the taller boy looks up, head tilted and thumb gently caressing the junction between Rin's thumb and forefinger. He can sense that something is coming but he doesn't want to react before it does. He knows better than to do that around Rin, especially when he's as wound up as he is now. 

"… I keep dreaming about her," Rin says and Sousuke's eyes lower towards the space between them. Of course. He knew it was coming. "I just–" 

"Rin–" 

"I know what you're gonna say, but don't!" Rin's voice is louder and harsh now and when he looks up to meet Sousuke eye to eye his lashes are damp and his cheeks are flushed. Sousuke doesn't have to guess or even feel to know that his mate's hormones are starting to surge, but he can't tell him to stop when it's just so far out of his control. So he keeps a cool head and continues to stroke the back of Rin's hand, understanding, soothing, comforting. He hates to see him like this... He always has. 

"I know you're gonna say I need to let go..." Rin's voice tapers off with a wavering, pathetic whimper he can't even try to hold back and immediately Sousuke's walking around the counter to stand beside him, large arms wrapped around his frame, hands fitting perfectly within the crook of his back and neck. 

"I'll never ask that of you." Sousuke smooths his hands through Rin's hair and ducks his head so he can rest his forehead to his scalp. It really does hurt more than anything to see Rin be this way, because he's believed for the longest time that Rin can overcome any wall and obstacle that stands in his path. He's looked to Rin for guidance and courage and regarded him as the strongest person he's ever known. But he can't ask Rin to do away with his pain now anymore than he could in the past. Rin will feel and hurt at his own pace and Sousuke's patient enough to be with him every step of the way. And besides– 

"I can't ask you to let it go when I haven't done that either, can I?" 

Rin clings to Sousuke's shirt at that and he stays this way for so long he eventually falls asleep, taking in the scent of rain water and soap and something distinctly _Sousuke_ underneath.

* * *

They planned for months. They read all the books and did all their research, visited several doctors and rode more trains to reach them than they could hope to count. And in the end, they were ready, so ready, to help shape this little dream of theirs into reality. 

"It will be dangerous," they said. "It's always riskier when it comes to men." 

But they went into it unafraid, going so far as to give up a season of swimming and training just to ensure everything would align just right. 

He remembers the look on his family's face when he told them the news, recalls the way his sister held him and squeezed him so tightly his arms almost fell numb. He remembers rushing to the local bookstore that afternoon and picking up a book of names to bring home. Sousuke finished work early that day and he swears the look on his face when he stepped through the threshold was brighter than the midday sun. They were happy, he thinks, in spite of their nervousness and inexperience... because they were going to share this world together. 

This little life growing inside of him– They were going to take care of it. Together. 

… She didn't cry when she arrived. She didn't move, she didn't breathe, she didn't even open her eyes. But she was beautiful, the doctors told them. A spitting image of himself with red hair and a soft round face... small and budding like a little cherry tomato. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, but the nurses held their silence. " _What's wrong!?_ " he asked again while they lifted her up and quickly rushed her to a nearby table. The room was frantic and he couldn't focus, eyes scanning wildly for his daughter amidst the crowd of doctors and nurses with their tubes and wires, needles and computers– 

" _Rin, it's ok. Rin, look at me, Rin, look at me._ " 

" _What happened to her!? What're they doing to her!? Sousuke... Sousuke!!_ "

* * *

"Shit–!" Rin wakes with a start and in a cold sweat, heart beating a mile a second and limbs frozen, tucked tightly against him where he slept. He'd fallen asleep on the couch again from the looks of things and judging by the sound of beeping coming from the kitchen, he must have left something in the microwave. But reality hasn't quite settled yet, not all of it, and with an exasperated sigh he rolls onto his back with an arm draped over his forehead, hoping to dull the throbbing headache starting to inch its way behind his eyelids. At the very least, he's starting to regain feeling in his legs again, though the same can't be said for the numbness in the pit of his chest, heavy and aching, constricting like a snake. 

Another dream, another awful, _terrible_ dream... 

Slowly he tightens his hands into fists as he grits his teeth, but before he has the chance to curse again, the beeping sound catches his attention and makes him realize that it isn't the microwave at all; rather, the doorbell's been ringing for the past half minute. 

It takes every ounce of energy in his body to push himself up then and after wiping his brow with the back of his hand he takes a deep breath and stands up onto shaking, tingling legs. He swears that sometimes the phantom sensations from his dreams carry over into this world when he wakes up. But it's a passing thought and he makes it way across the small living room towards the _genkan_ up ahead, taking care to slip his slippers on before he does. 

"Yes?" he answers as the door swings open and he's just barely managed to flatten his hair out on one side. No, he isn't expecting company today, but if it'll help distract him from another nightmare, he'll take what he can get. 

… He just isn't expecting this distraction to come in the form of a pair of green eyes and tiny fingers, wiggling and squirming while a familiar face holds them up from behind. 

"Hello, Rin." The voice belongs to Haruka and the pair of green eyes and tiny, squirming hands belongs to his eight month old baby boy, dressed in an overall jumper and yellow shirt and held securely against Haruka's shoulder. … He should be delighted to see them, he believes. He should smile and laugh and like a good friend ask them how they've been. But his eyes are still wet and his face is still flushed. His hands still shake and his expression has turned into one of mild pain. 

 _He's beautiful. He looks just like you..._  

"Can we come in?" 

Rin clears his throat and after stepping aside, holds the door open for them to pass. "… Sure." 

The world, he thinks, has only just begun to mock him. 


	2. Natural

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru's visit raises some concerns and Rin still can't sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think a MakoHaru baby would have the best thunder thighs.

Haru lives a block or so away from his apartment complex, so it isn't uncommon for him to stop by on a regular basis and vice versa. That being said, Rin's always prepared with a bottle of barley tea in the back of the fridge and a fillet or two of frozen mackerel in the freezer just in case. No, the other boy isn't the most sociable type, but Rin is thankful he's opened up enough to stick by him for as long as he has. The two of them grew up together and now in the prime of their young adult years they both swim on a nationally ranked level as rivals... though, considering the past year's circumstances, both of them have had to put their careers on the back burner for the time being. Sometimes he thinks they might have jumped into the family life too hastily, too freely, but as he pours a glass of tea for Haru he laughs softly to himself with a shake of his head. Hastily, freely– Isn't that how they've always done things? 

"Thanks," Haru says when Rin comes back to set two glasses of cold tea on the _kotatsu_ in the living room. He's pushed some of the furniture out of the way and towards the walls to make room for it... though more than anything he wants to make sure Haru's son will feel comfortable. He's a shy little boy, he's noticed, quiet and easy to surprise, but in a familiar environment he's just like any other child, curiously crawling (or scooting on his belly in this case) around the room while babbling to himself. Rin spares the baby one more glance before sitting cross legged on one side of the _kotatsu_ , leaving Haru across from him with his feet tucked beneath the blanket. 

"So what brings you over?" Rin asks as he idly runs his fingers along the rim of his glass. Haru sets his own down after taking a sip and his eyes settle on his son as he crawls back towards him with one of his socks in his hand. 

"I took Mirai with me to go shopping while Makoto's out, so I thought we'd stop by to see you." Haru reaches out then as Mirai draws closer and carefully hoists him up against his shoulder again where he seems to fit just right. Rin recalls when Mirai was first born and how small he'd been at the time, having been born a few weeks earlier than expected and thus just a little more petite than most. He remembers visiting Haru and Makoto the day after and seeing how fragile their son looked all curled up and swaddled in the tiniest blanket he'd ever seen in his life. ... It's still hard to believe it's been eight months since then, give or take, and he finds himself smiling softly in spite of himself. To Haru, the smile doesn't go unnoticed and for a moment he seems hesitant to react. It's just that he hasn't seen his friend smile in such a way in a long time... 

Eventually though, he finds the courage to ask. "… Would you like to hold him, Rin?" 

"Huh?" Rin blinks, caught off guard, and while he's certain he heard Haru correctly, he still doesn't want to assume it. So he stays that way, staring wide-eyed and uncertain, before Haru clarifies for him by tucking his hands under his son's arms and propping him up so he can face Rin instead. Mirai has Makoto's eyes and Haru's hair. His face is perfectly round and his cheeks are usually flushed just as they are now. … Looking at him causes a surge of warmth to pass over Rin's body from the inside out, though all the same he can feel pins and needles jabbing away deep within his chest. But that isn't the child's fault, it isn't even Haru's, so he makes sure to right himself quickly before the energy in the room can take a sharp downturn. 

"Here," Haru offers gently as he stands up and with Mirai in his arms he kneels down beside Rin to carefully settle the child into his friend's lap. … Holding a baby, as it turns out, comes far too naturally to Rin than it should, but Haru expects this, so he simply sits by quietly while Rin's hands and arms tuck and fold to keep his son safe and comfortable against his body.  

It's been a little over a month since the incident, Haru recalls, and he's tried to be as respectful as he can be by giving Rin his space. But he believes in the other boy all the same, though he may not always project it, and knows there will come a time when Rin will need even a little bit of help. 

"… There was something I wanted to ask you, Rin." 

Rin's just gotten his finger caught in one of Mirai's tiny hands when he looks up, and Haru swears he can see a small spark beginning to glow in those eyes. 

"It's just that Makoto and I will be gone for a day next week. We're spending the day with my parents who live on the other side of town." 

Within the baby's hold, Rin's finger twitches then tenses up, because he knows what Haru's getting at before he even says it, and while the prospect is simple and even fun, he's worried, so worried, considering he's never had experience caring for a child before. Gou is different. He grew up with her. He knows her. But this is someone else's child... and he isn't even sure he can afford to grow attached. So he doesn't say anything at first, not even when Haru finally brings it up. 

"Would you mind watching Mirai for that day? We'd be back by sundown, so it wouldn't be for long." 

The sound of Haru's ringtone distracts both of them from the topic, however, and with a small nod to excuse himself, the other boy stands up to make his way over to the kitchen to take the call. From how it sounds, it's Makoto on the other line... which leaves Rin alone in his living room with a small child still sitting on his lap, still holding his finger and softly cooing as he looks up at him with large, innocent green eyes. … He should say no. He should make up an excuse and say he has something planned on whatever day it is, because every time he looks at Mirai he can feel his gut twist and his eyes sting and that shouldn't be something to subject other people to, especially not a child. And anyway, he'd have to go over all this with Sousuke, wouldn't he? This is his home too... and he may not be ready for this either. 

He's in the middle of thinking and re-thinking his decision when suddenly Mirai opens his mouth and yawns, later bringing a hand up to his eye to rub before slowly leaning forward and resting his head against Rin's chest. ... He could be mistaken, but he's fairly certain Haru's child is falling asleep on him right this second. It prompts Rin to carefully push himself up onto his feet and while at first he's driven to find Haru and let him know, he doesn't want to interrupt his phone call, and most importantly, he doesn't want to risk waking up the baby. He spares the child one more glance before shifting him carefully against his shoulder, taking care to keep his head tucked safely by his neck, and after letting out a sigh he turns to head down the hall. 

When Haru returns, he doesn't find Rin where he was before, but with only so many places he could be, he doesn't have to look far. The bedroom turns up empty and there's no reason for him to be in the bathroom or the hallway closet. Which leaves– 

–The door to the nursery has been left slightly ajar and Haru lets his fingers rest against the frame for a moment before he quietly invites himself in. It smells like fresh paint and clean linens with every piece of furniture untouched. But the curtains are drawn and the little light in the far corner of the room has been turned on to illuminate Rin's figure as he stands over the wooden crib, looking down into it and double checking to make sure the side locks are secure and the cotton bumpers are well tied. 

Haru's smiling warmly when he approaches and by the time he's standing beside his friend, Rin twitches as he turns to face him, surprised and even a little scared. "Haru–" 

"You're a natural at this," Haru whispers as he peers down into the crib and takes note of how well Mirai's been set down to rest, his head on a small yellow pillow, a thin but soft baby blanket draped and pulled up to just cover his son's belly. 

"Sorry. He just fell asleep so–" 

"I don't think I've seen him this comfortable outside of our apartment." 

Rin doesn't say anything to that and instead chooses to focus down at Mirai instead. His small hands, the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the way his eyelashes flutter ever-so slightly against his rosy cheeks– 

"… I'll watch him for you." 

"I know you will."

* * *

Sousuke notices a shift in their apartment environment when he comes home later that day, hair slicked back and tie loosened up from around his collar. He's been working at his father's company ever since he and Rin moved into Tokyo together, which means a more understanding and relaxed workplace given that nobody wants to piss off the CEO's son, but that doesn't mean he wants to slack off. Sousuke, as most people know him, comes off as aloof more times than not, but deep down he's hard headed and a real powerhouse for the people and things that matter the most. He may not be the poster child for all Alphas, that being said, but it isn't as if that is his priority. 

He functions on his own wavelength and, perhaps even more so, on one in tandem with Rin. 

So when he unbuttons his jacket and takes off his shoes, he heaves a sigh of relief as Rin's scent instantly washes over him like cool, fresh rain. The world outside is fast paced and alive, but in here with Rin it's comfortable and home. 

As he noted earlier though, there definitely is something out of place in the apartment and as he makes his way into the kitchen he scrunches his nose up, confused. 

"I'm home," he says to which his partner turns to face him completely. His eyes are a little brighter, his face pink and hair without its recent dull shine– 

Rin tucks some hair behind his ear when he walks over to wrap his arms around his mate, putting his vegetable cutting off to the side for the time being. "Welcome home." 

It hits him the moment Rin's in his arms. "Haru was here?" He doesn't sound angry or upset about it–long since were the days the two of them couldn't tolerate one another–but he is curious. After all, Haru's scent is all over the place. In Rin's hair, on his clothes, here in the kitchen and down the hall... Rin slips away shortly after so he can go back to chopping as before. 

"Mm, yeah. He stopped by with Mirai for a little while." 

Sousuke's just picked an apple from the nearby fruit basket when he pauses and looks up to stare at the back of Rin's head. He finds it hard to believe Rin can even say those words without struggle, but he doesn't bring it up. "That so..." he muses to himself as he walks over and ends up standing behind the other boy with his larger frame easily nestling up against him, arms coming out for his hands to rest on the kitchen counter, head ducking down so his slicked back bangs fall over and tickle the back of Rin's neck. It draws a light giggle from the redhead and in turn Sousuke smiles beside the shell of his ear. 

"I can tell you're happy." 

"… We had fun." Rin doesn't give much more than that, but Sousuke can tell he's hiding something anyway. So after offering a small nudge with the tip of his nose he easily finds Rin's pulse point where his scent is the strongest, though most importantly where he knows he feels the most sensitive. 

"And?" 

The knife settles on its side on the cutting board while Rin lets out a quiet exhale through his mouth, hands then coming up and around to find Sousuke's own so he can lift them up to his waist. He'd rather he hold him right now, as nice as the little nudges and soft breaths feel on his neck. Somehow... Somehow he feels safer that way. Hands on his waist, fingers stretching out over his abdomen, warming his skin and reigniting his entire body from top to bottom– Slowly his head tips back and eyes slip shut. Even knowing he can survive well enough on his own these days, it still feels so satisfying to come back to this place each evening. Back to safety, back to no stress or complaint– Back to Sousuke. 

His thumbs brush the backs of Sousuke's hands when he finally responds. "I agreed to take care of Mirai next week while Makoto and Haru are gone for the day." 

"… Did you now?" 

"It's just for a day. I... probably should've asked you before you came home, but I just thought–" 

"I think it's a great idea, Rin." 

Rin opens his eyes to see Sousuke looking down at him. "You do?" 

Sousuke knows why Rin is surprised–bringing home another bonded pair's child on such short notice isn't exactly smiled upon in most instances–but they've both known those two since they were all children, so he sees no reason to be suspicious or worried. Besides... this will help Rin. He knows it will. And as he smiles and lightly touches his lips to Rin's forehead, he laughs quietly at the image of his lover so happy. With luck, he hopes, Rin might open his heart just a little more. 

"Of course I do," he says while shifting to help ease Rin around so they'll be looking at one another face to face. "You'll be fine." 

"You say that, but what about you?" 

"What about me?" 

Rin huffs and idly picks at a loose piece of fuzz on Sousuke's shirt. "You're gonna have to help me, you know." 

One more laugh and Sousuke's back to nudging Rin just because he can. "Only if you handle diaper duty." 

"… You're the worst."

* * *

They came home a few weeks later. The clouds were grey, the skies were too, and he swore all the way back the rain never stopped coming. It was cold, he remembers that, but more than anything he remembers being empty. In his heart, in his stomach and his veins– Every last nook and cranny was empty. 

He dreamed of this differently. He fantasized of a bright spring morning with pink trees and warm sunlight, a welcoming, special world to introduce his daughter to when she opened her eyes for the very first time. He pictured opening their apartment door and letting out a relieved sigh, thought of collapsing on the couch while she slept soundly in the carrier beside him. 

But it rained. And it was grey. And when they opened their apartment door he all but dragged himself to the bedroom where he stayed in silence for what felt like hours, maybe even days. 

Because the emptiness wouldn't go away. Because no amount of hoping and wishing would replace what they lost. 

… Because it hurt too much, having a dream destroyed.

* * *

"Rin... Rin!" 

He wakes with a gasp and feeling as if a heavy weight is bearing down on his chest, and judging by his cold and damp face, he's either been crying or sweat profusely in his sleep. Red eyes frantically scan the dark ceiling above his head, but soon enough a large shadow blocks the view as Sousuke reaches over him to click on the lamp on the nightstand. 

"Rin, are you ok?" Sousuke asks him calmly this time, but his face holds genuine concern. He isn't dressed–neither of them are–and the sheets are pulled loosely about their legs and waists... but he can feel that they're damp without so much as a twitch and he doesn't know whether to be amused or disgusted in himself. 

This isn't the first time his hormones have run wild in his sleep, but it is the first time it's happened since last month. There's natural lubricant oozing down his thighs and seeping into the bed sheets and while he knows he isn't even close to being in heat, his body remains sensitive to the touch. More than anything though, it hurts. His head won't stop pounding, his chest stings with every intake of breath... and when he shuts his eyes and starts to laugh, his stomach clenches as if something's taken a hot poker and shoved it hard towards the middle of his spine. The doctors said this would be normal. They said his body would experience the side effects, maybe as a way to cope... but none of that makes him feel _normal_. 

"Rin..." 

"I'm _fine_ ," he mutters through clenched teeth but Sousuke won't have any of it. He sits up, blankets falling away from his calves, and tries to help Rin up with him. 

"I know, Rin, I know..." 

"You don't know! I said I'm fine, dammit!" 

" _Rin_." 

He sobs. He wails. He kicks the blankets away from his body and tries to smack those hands away as they reach for his own. " _Fuck off!_ Don't– You'll get messy if–!" 

"Rin, look at me. _Eyes on me_." Sousuke's tone is like velvet, low and smooth, and it gives him just enough leverage to settle Rin down and take his face into his hands, palms cupping his jaw, thumbs under his eyes to wipe away hot tears as they begin to fall. He isn't fine, he knows he Isn't, but he won't point it out and risk upsetting his mate more than he already is. So he'll hold him instead, ignoring his own heaviness and tired eyes, shoving aside his nerves and fear, just to ensure Rin will come out of this episode _safe_. He smooths his thumbs over his cheeks one more time before moving in next, using his weight to gently ease Rin back into the mattress and on his pillow while his lips brush away stray pieces of hair from the bridge of his nose. 

"Eyes on me," he repeats, slowly, easily, giving Rin a chance to listen to him while simultaneously taking in his scent. He doesn't like to use a more forceful tactic on his own partner, but at the moment he has no other choice. 

The bedroom is drenched in the smell of Rin's hormones, rabid and hot, _yearning_ – But to Sousuke none of it matters. 

What matters is helping Rin sleep soundly for this one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry more angst oops orz I hope to go over the Alpha/Omega details in the next chapter!


	3. Sock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke puts his babysitting skills to the test, Makoto and Haru relax, then Rin finds a sock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Got busy with con prep then kinda had a brain fart for a while. Hope this longer chapter makes up for it!

His mother knew what he was long before he was born. The way he kicked, the way he tumbled and woke her during the most inconvenient moments of the evening– When the world met Rin, she knew it would bow. And, as expected, he ruled and reigned and marched to the beat of his own drum. Where there were no paths, he carved them. Where there were no solutions, he made them. And where the light ran dim, he lit a fire and charged forth without fear. As she told everyone, he was every bit of his father from head to toe... but just like his father, her son was not unkind. Sharp, dangerous, _alive_... but not unkind.

A model Alpha; that's what people called him. Meant to lead but not force, meant to teach and not scorn. Just as his mother knew, Rin bowed to no one.

No one, that is, except one.

She noticed it the first week her son met the new boy in class. He was thin but tall and his eyes, though downturned, always glowed and calculated not unlike a feral dog. _Sousuke_ , the boy's mother called out to him one afternoon, mere moments after Rin's mother found the two tucked away in the grass at the side of the school yard, wrestling, it seemed, with her son struggling underneath Sousuke's hands. It had been playful, she knew that... but she still hadn't seen another child, especially not another boy, successfully hold her son down without complaint.

" _That was Sousuke_ ," Rin told her when she asked later that evening. " _He says he doesn't want to swim, but I told him he should. I think he could try to beat me!_ " Soon thereafter, she never saw the two boys apart.

Two Alphas, she noted, who would light the world on fire.

* * *

Living with another Alpha, as it turns out, isn't the easiest, but somehow he and Sousuke manage and balance each other out despite their occasional disagreements and petty squabbles. There's equilibrium between them and there always has been since the moment they first met, which probably explains why even in the early hours of the evening Sousuke senses something off kilter and eases himself out of bed to find the other half empty and cold. He isn't frustrated even if his sleeping schedule suffers most nights and with little more than a sigh he hobbles over to the door and out into the hall where he can see a dim light coming from the kitchen.

It's raining outside. The windows are dark and damp and behind the pulled curtains he can barely make out the occasional flicker of lightning. A storm– Of course. He should have known better than to fall asleep so soon before a storm.

Rin hates storms.

His hair's sticking up a bit when he quietly steps towards the kitchen and in the light he sees the other boy standing and facing the toaster on the counter. "Breakfast already?" he asks to which Rin's shoulders hike up and, surprised, abruptly turns to face Sousuke just as the toaster pops two pieces of bread up through the slots. It's tempting to laugh at the timing, but he refrains from doing so, knowing his partner's bound to be especially touchy.

"I couldn't sleep." Rin turns away again so he can reach for a plate and grab the two pieces for himself.

"Another dream?"

"No."

And Rin doesn't need to explain for Sousuke to already know the reason. Storms remind Rin of his father and the nights spent awake to the sound of his mother crying. He told him once and Sousuke never asked him to explain it again. ... Though the longer he stands here watching Rin fiddle with a napkin and pick at the crust on the corner of one piece of toast, the less convinced he is that the storm is the only reason Rin's wide awake. Despite the risk, he decides to bite the bullet.

"… You've been dressing a little lighter lately." As he leans against the counter beside Rin, Sousuke looks at his tank top and rolled up pant legs, a fashion choice the other swimmer usually opts for in the dead of summer. Rin nibbles a bit at this toast and doesn't look at Sousuke when he replies.

"I'm more comfortable this way."

"It's still spring."

"What's your point?" And it's at that moment when Rin turns to Sousuke with fire in his eyes and brows slightly furrowed that he finally confirms his suspicions. Rather than bring them to light, however, he instead reaches up and rests his fingers beneath Rin's bangs, letting his palm form to the curve of his forehead while the other boy blinks in confusion. He's warm, very warm, and he swears when he lays a hand on him that temperature only skyrockets straight into his bones. Instinctively, Rin shakes his head to shoo Sousuke away and after scooping his plate of toast up he irritably stomps off into the living room.

It's so obvious now it almost hurts.

Sousuke rolls his eyes and soon follows after his partner, later flicking the light on in the room before he sits down on the couch beside him.

"Go back to sleep, idiot," Rin grumbles after a moment or two of awkward silence, one foot stretching out along the couch to roughly prod Sousuke in the hip. Sousuke doesn't let up though and instead throws his arm over the back of the couch, his body turned inward, his tired eyes calm and blinking as usual but fixated on Rin's face. It's best not to test Rin (ever, if he really thinks about it) but lately it's never been a good idea to leave him alone to his own thoughts and devices. He does pay for it though with another prod to his hip and a brief flash of sharp teeth.

"How long are you going to sit there staring at me?"

"Not long."

"My ass, you are."

Sousuke sighs and rests his free hand on Rin's foot when it starts to wiggle into his hip bone a little too sharply. "Your body's warm."

"So?" Another wiggle and a prod followed by a very aggravated bite of toast.

"So you're either sick or–" And with that he reaches over to gently flatten a strand of stray hair back down against Rin's head. The other boy doesn't shove him off this time, however, and instead looks away and back down to his plate. It's not very bright in here, but Sousuke doesn't need much to tell his mate's cheeks are light pink just beneath his eyes. Of course, a strong sense of smell on his part does help and he'd be lying if he says it doesn't hinder him at times, at least where Rin is concerned. Case in point, with the flush on Rin's face comes a familiar, stronger flare of his scent, easily able to penetrate the odd smell of rain water and toast combined, and by extension Sousuke's composure. It's enough to have him shut his eyes, overwhelmed, though he hopes it's only long enough to pass as a tired blink.

"Or?"

The taller swimmer finally lowers his hand from Rin's hair upon realizing he's been idly running his fingers through it and to his surprise Rin seems to have grown too used to the attention: He leans forward as if expecting more only to catch himself and return back against the couch with a frown. It's all too familiar.

"You're going into an early heat."

Sousuke's words eat at him more than Rin expected and suddenly he finds he's lost his appetite.

Alphas like he and Sousuke don't experience heats often, and when they come they're usually both very adept at handling them. It helps that they have each other, that being said, because as a bonded pair they trust each other with every facet of their being. The flares of anger, the moments of pain and frustration, though most importantly the vulnerability which comes with lying in bed in a cold sweat, victimized by their own bodies, consumed by their own hormones... Rin trusts Sousuke with all that. Inexplicably. Definitively. … But lately his body hasn't felt exactly like his own. So if there's anyone he can't trust, it's himself.

He puts his plate of toast down on the coffee table before bringing his knees in towards his chest on the couch. Sousuke's hit the nail on the head.

"… I think it'll be here in a couple weeks," he says quietly and with an air of aggravation as his fingers dig into his knees. The last time this happened–

"We still have suppressants." Sousuke interrupts that train of thought quickly but calmly. His voice feels like an incoming storm, low, rumbling, yet oddly calm... "If you wanted to take them now, you could bypass it."

Of course he's considered it. … He's considered it from the moment he and Sousuke came home from the hospital ward. To stabilize himself, balance himself, return himself to how he was and who he was before any of this happened– Without thinking, he brings a hand down from his knees and eases it between his legs and his stomach, fingers coming to rest against his abdomen before slowly, purposely clenching into the ribbed fabric of his tank top. _She isn't here_. He knows that. But his body betrays him, confuses him, and wants him to believe with all he has that somehow she'll be back, that somehow he'll wake up, this storm will be gone, and he'll have her safe where she belongs.

If he takes the suppressants, he won't be able to try for another child until whenever his next heat strikes. But if he doesn't take the suppressants... he feels as if he might hurt her. He might replace her. He might actually let her go.

In the end, with Sousuke back to gently combing his fingers through his hair, understanding, Rin curls up over his legs and squeezes his fingers so tightly his skin runs pale and cold.

"… I'll think about it."

* * *

The next day, Haru and Makoto bring Mirai over just as planned. Makoto's carrying his son when Sousuke opens the door and beside him Haru has a large blue and white diaper bag slung over his shoulder, likely carrying a bunch of necessities for the full day ahead. ... Sousuke has to admit, the task seems much more daunting than he ever imagined and when Rin speaks up from the living room to invite them in, he steps aside and nearly trips over his own feet because he's too focused on the child leaning against Makoto's shoulder.

It's... a small person. A very small person. But his eyes are huge and his fingers are tiny and everything about him seems so disproportionate to everything else in the world.

"Thanks for doing this for us," Makoto pipes up after toeing off his shoes and entering the living room to greet Rin. Haru meanwhile stays behind and waits for Sousuke to shut the door, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Are you sure you can do this?" he asks the taller swimmer to which Sousuke places a hand on his hip and rubs the back of his neck. He knows Haru doesnt mean it to sound condescending or anything like that, doesn't even mean to test him, but all the same, he feels pressured. Just a little.

"... I might've bitten off more than I can chew."

Despite their disagreements in the past, Haru does trust Sousuke, though he might not outwardly show it. After all, they're similar in their own rights... and most importantly he's a good teammate and partner to Rin. If he can handle that, then Haru's sure he can handle this. So he adjusts the bag on his shoulder and makes his way inside, later dropping it on the sofa where Makoto sits with Mirai on his lap. Their son has on a green onesie today with a pair of denim overalls over it and as he wiggles a little on Makoto's knee, Rin watches the way the straps on the baby's shoulders loosen up and sometimes fall over his arm before his father slips it right back into place. Makoto makes it look so flawless, he thinks... But then again, he did grow up caring for two younger siblings. Nurturing is just part of who he is.

"We won't be gone for too long. Hopefully we've packed enough toys to keep him occupied." Makoto says it with a smile on his face, and though it reaches to the very corners of his eyes, Rin can still make out the faint outlines of dark circles contrasting against his cheeks. He scoffs, that in mind, before walking over to sit down beside his friend on the sofa, his hands outstretched to the child who peers over at him with big, curious green eyes. There's something incredibly endearing about feeling this baby lean towards him at that moment and seeing how he comfortably wraps both arms around Rin's neck.

 _You're a natural_...

"Don't worry too much. You need a day off, so go enjoy it. Isn't that right?" Rin asks as he turns to look down at Mirai who has since started to play with the loose fabric on Rin's shirt, bunching it up and patting it to smooth out all the wrinkles afterward.

It takes some time–Makoto, as it turns out, is far too attached for his own good–but after a few minutes of gently ushering him and Haru towards the _genkan_ , Rin shuts the door, locks it... then proceeds to awkwardly stare at it as he keeps the baby propped up against his shoulder.

... his chest won't stop fluttering. His arms feel like jelly. He's suddenly hyper aware of every eyelash that touches his skin each time he blinks... and it's not until Mirai places a hand on his cheek that he's able to look away and back into those big green eyes of his. It really is daunting, especially now that it's quiet in the apartment save for the occasional coo or babble Mirai makes as he continues to gently pat Rin on the face.

 _You're a natural_...

"Rin."

Rin turns around halfway and sees Sousuke turning to head into the kitchen.

"... I'll make lunch for all of us."

He's warming up to Mirai already, Rin can tell, but with a soft smile and a knowing glance at the child in his arms he decides against mentioning anything about it. For now.

* * *

He doesn’t have to ask to know why Sousuke prepares Mirai’s food perfectly. He doesn’t have to ask to know why he knew the right temperature, the right consistency, the right _kind_ of food he needs to be munching away at in the first place… because he and Sousuke are both learners, excellent learners, and before they reached this point, they could have called themselves experts. It’s been months, sure, but they’re committed to this like a test… and that being said, perhaps they’ve gone and made themselves too rigid. Or so Rin the perfectionist suspects.  
  
Rin’s seated on the living room floor with his legs crossed beneath him when Mirai first takes notice of all the noises coming from the kitchen, and after setting one of his toys down the little boy turns to face them from over his shoulder, his eyes still wide and blinking, his feet no longer kicking so he can listen close. It’s past lunch hour by now and as he remembers from all the books and papers, Mirai will be needing a nap soon, but for all the boy’s quiet, he’s insatiably curious and Rin wonders if putting him down for a nap will even work. So instead, he watches, taking note of his long lashes, the little curl of hair atop his head, how his pudgy fingers curl in and out from his palms…

“Rin, do you have that list they left us? It might be a good idea to—Ah?”

Rin laughs, short and soft, because right as Sousuke’s stepped out of the kitchen with a towel in his hands, little Mirai completes his journey, having crawled all the way across the living room just to see what all the ruckus was. It’s quite a sight really. Sousuke, a six foot giant, stopped dead in his tracks because a tiny baby happened to park himself right at his feet. For a while, that’s how they stay— _staring_ at each other—before Rin clears his throat to catch his partner’s attention.

“Oi,” he starts, elbow propped on his knee and chin propped in his hand, “don’t just stare at him. He wanted to say hello.”

The look Sousuke gives him can only be best described as _flustered_. Not to the point of panic, no, but enough to catch the poor guy off guard. It comes as quickly as it goes though and after sparing Rin a ghost of a glare he turns back to Mirai… then back to Rin… then back to Mirai… He has to drape the hand towel over his shoulder so he can finally bend down and scoop the baby up with both hands, his fingers fumbling at first to figure out exactly _where_ to go. _That’s it_ , Rin thinks once Sousuke tucks a hand under Mirai’s arm. One. Then the other. Lift slowly. Mind his head.

Never mind that he didn’t have to pick him up in the first place. Never mind that he could have easily stepped over and let Mirai follow him all the way back to Rin. And as Sousuke rests the child against his good shoulder, Rin can’t help but notice how naturally this all comes to him too. A little awkward, a little clumsy, but gentle and sincere and _natural_. It’s therefore easy to smile when teal eyes turn back to him and one eyebrow raises as if he’s trying to show off. It’s easy to laugh when Mirai pats Sousuke on the cheek and pulls a little at his ear. … Though more than anything it’s easiest to look at them and feel his chest slowly but surely sink. Mirai’s hair isn’t red. His eyes aren’t teal. His skin is too fair.

And yet he reminds Rin of far too much.

“Rin, the list?”

“Oh… Yeah. I got it.”

_I’ve got it._

* * *

“It was nice of your mother to pack up some food for those two, wasn’t it?” Makoto asks as he turns to Haru beside him, the two of them walking down a quiet city sidewalk towards the nearby train station. Well. ‘Quiet’ in city terms, that is. Coming from a small fishing town on the complete opposite side of the country, both of them weren’t prepared for the culture shock all those years ago, and sometimes, even on calmer nights like tonight, it isn’t difficult to feel nostalgic for Iwatobi’s beaches and boats along the pier. Haru’s taken to it a little slower, Makoto finds—it’s hard to go without a large body of water for a couple weeks on end—but they’ve established a life here, something familiar, something steady and routine, and for Haru that’s more than enough.

With one of the paper bags in hand, Haru nods back, but keeps quiet all the way to the end of the street. Now, Makoto’s always known him to be a boy of few words. He’s adapted to understanding his body language more than anything. But this is different, it feels different, and with a knowing smile he tilts his head.

“It’s also nice of _you_ to worry about them, Haru.”

Caught in the act, Haru straightens then looks over at Makoto, brows furrowed. “I’m—“

 _Is_ he worried? No… that’s not quite the feeling. Truthfully, it’s more like… “—hopeful.”

Makoto blinks but his smile doesn’t fade. “Hopeful? How so?”

Haru has to think how to phrase it in a way Makoto will understand and it takes him a little over a minute before he’s come up with something close enough. As close as they are, as close as they’ve always been, Makoto isn’t always capable of deducing all of Haru’s thoughts. After all, he’s always looked at the world a little differently. “… I know they’re doing a good job,” he says as he watches the sidewalk ahead and listens to the hum of electrical boxes from up above. “And… I know they’ll learn something. Maybe not right away, but… in time.”

“Mm. I see.” Glancing up towards the sky, Makoto lets out a thoughtful hum. “Maybe Mirai is teaching them well.”

“No.”

“Eh? You don’t think so?” He turns back to Haru then, curious.

Another minute, another moment to sort through his words and how they could work— “… They have to teach themselves.” Before anything else, before they can create new responsibilities and continue on into the future… there has to be this. Makoto isn’t sure he catches on right away, and knowing Haru, there’s much more to those words beneath the surface, but he smiles anyway, content with what he knows, and with a gentle shoulder nudge he chuckles quietly into the cool evening air.

“I think I’m hopeful too.”

* * *

The world outside smells like rain and feels like an incoming storm, but the sky with its purple and pink hues stretches far and wide and at this moment in time, there’s nowhere else Rin would like to be. He’s seated at the top steps of the staircase leading up to his and Sousuke’s apartment, and from up here the world seems incredibly vast and boundless. A small breeze brushing through his hair carries with it the promise of growth and warmth and with his arms folded over his bent knees, Rin takes a deep breath and turns his head up towards the setting sun.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Sousuke says from behind and while Rin smiles he opens his eyes to see his best friend carefully seating himself beside him. Mirai’s fast asleep on his shoulder, covered with a pale blue blanket to keep off the early spring chill.

“I won’t. I’m not like you, you know.”

“Oi, I’m not that bad.”

Laughing quietly Rin nudges Sousuke with his shoulder, though takes care not to disturb the baby’s sleep. “Oh yeah? Then how about you explain those photos of you in my phone?”

“Wh—Hey, what kind of photos?”

Rin only responds with more laughter, a little louder, a little lighter, to which Sousuke pouts… then smiles anyway. It’s always been his favorite sight, Rin’s happiness. And even here with the beautiful sky and budding flowers in the street, Sousuke can’t bring himself to look at anything but his partner beside him. He reaches out with his free hand after a moment and with long, warm fingers he starts to tuck a few stray strands of red hair behind Rin’s ear. … Rin’s always been beautiful. There’s no denying he turns heads everywhere he goes, no denying he’s touched and influenced many lives just by being _Rin_. But lately… Lately Rin’s beauty has softened. Full of sadness, of distance and emptiness… Sousuke’s fingers trail from the shell of Rin’s ear to his cheek and back up again, the backs of his fingertips gently pushing back his bangs and letting them fall right back into place where they belong.

No one deserves this, but none more so than Rin.

Rin settles into the touches and the attention immediately, though his gaze soon drifts to focus on the ground, the stairs, and the shadows in the street below. As it turns out, it’s perfect timing.

“Rin, Sousuke!”

Sousuke retracts his hand slowly and when he follows Rin’s gaze he spots Makoto waving up at them from the sidewalk. Haru walks beside him and within a minute they’re already making their way up the winding flight of stairs.

“Back so soon?” Rin asks as he stands and Sousuke follows beside him. Haru nods once he reaches the step beneath and with his arm held out he offers the paper bag of food. Rin accepts it, fully expecting it to be a tupperware full of mackerel and rice.

“We would have stayed longer, but we didn’t want to burden you both into the night. Mirai can get pretty restless around this time!” Makoto pauses though and reaches up to smooth back his son’s hair. “Although he seems to be fast asleep right now, doesn’t he?”

After sparing the baby one more glance, Sousuke tucks his hands under him and with surprisingly fluid and well-practiced motions manages to pass Mirai over from his arms to Makoto’s without causing a fuss. “He probably got tired from playing.”

“Or he got bored from all the books you read him,” Rin chimes in before Sousuke roughly elbows him in the side. So much for all those gentle touches. Though now that Rin thinks about it, all those toys and books are still inside, so after excusing himself he quickly heads up and back into the apartment where he finds the diaper bag all packed up and waiting for him on the kitchen table. Hmph. That Sousuke… If only he could clean up his own things as properly as this. At any rate, after putting the food away in the fridge and slinging the bag over his shoulder, Rin makes his way back outside so he can pass it off to Haru… He doesn’t even realize his motions might be quicker than they should be.

He doesn’t realize he hasn’t really looked at Mirai since Sousuke let him go. Doesn’t recall the words the four of them exchange in the last five minutes, doesn’t notice he hasn’t properly touched or held the baby all evening because it always makes his palms itch and stomach clench—

Or maybe it’s just what he tells himself. And before long, with the scent of baby powder on his clothes and the distant thrum of a tiny heartbeat around his finger, Rin watches his friends descend the steps and walk away into the night.

* * *

… Rin finds a little yellow sock on the couch after Sousuke falls asleep and for a long while he can’t do anything but hold it. He knows where it came from— _he should have double checked the diaper bag_ —knows who it belongs to, but can’t figure out what to _do_ with it. A quick glance at the clock says it’s 11pm… which means Haru and Makoto might still be awake. Hell, with a baby, that’s almost guaranteed. But when he texts them his messages go unanswered and when he tries to call he can’t even bring himself to leave a voicemail.

_Wait until morning. It’ll make more sense in the morning. It’s just a sock, Rin._

… It’s not enough. And after pulling on a coat and slipping on his shoes, he heads out the door right as dark clouds begin to loom overhead.

_It’s going to rain, Rin. It’s late. You’re making a big deal out of a sock._

Big deal or little, he’s acting beyond all logic and reason. He only knows he needs to get rid of this, put it back where it belongs, where he can’t think about it or see it before he tries to get _one_ good hour of sleep tonight…! Hurried footsteps break into a jog, then a sprint then a run, even though he knows he shouldn’t and it still doesn’t make any sense. The tiny yellow sock meanwhile stays grasped in his hand. They’re only a block away. If he runs he can beat the rain and keep the sock dry. He won’t have to think about it, won’t have to look at it, won’t have this twisted, nagging urge to _just hold it_!

He makes it to the stoplight down the road when he finally skids to a stop and has to lean against the crossing sign to breathe, each gasp more ragged and labored than the last. His chest aches, his feet feel like bricks, and his head—Well. It’s wet. Drenched in rain which comes pouring down anyway before he can even open his eyes.

 _It’s just a sock, Rin_.

Teeth grit and his jaw clenches and despite his very best efforts, Rin shoves Mirai’s sock in his pocket with an irritated, defeated growl. He has his forehead pressed to his arm, his arm to the cold metal post, and with every breath he asks himself just what the _hell_ he’s doing. Why did he panic? Why wasn’t he able to trust himself to stay put? When is any of this going to be _enough_?

And as he struggles to keep himself upright under his own weight, suddenly, the sound of footsteps on puddles and a gentle voice breaks through the rush of pouring rain.

“… _Onii-chan?_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> This won't be a terribly long fic, I expect, and hopefully I can keep the sad bits down to a minimum! Stay tuned~  
> ([my tumblr](http://wafflesex.tumblr.com))


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